hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
