Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
