Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
