Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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