I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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