You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
