I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
