Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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