Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
