It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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