just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
