I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
