i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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