I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
