I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
