So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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