Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
