Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
