My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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