i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
