Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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