We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
