Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
