Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
