Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Come on in and take your pants off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
