This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
