I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
