Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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