So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
