Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no, he came in my armpit
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
