You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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