she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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