I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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