guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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