matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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