You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
