Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
