I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
