ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
