More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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