a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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