i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
