The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
worst night to have a conscience
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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