It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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