I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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