Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
