When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
