I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
