i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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