Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish you could order shots online.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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