you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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