wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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