This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
be right there i have to get my cape
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You are a genius and a whore.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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