Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
