Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
