I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
