The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
