I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
