He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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