Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
