You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
