meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
