i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
