well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
