We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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