The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize