just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
