If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
