don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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