Please, let me fuck your mom
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
