non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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