I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
