I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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