how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
