Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
