Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
