She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
