I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
